--(Name) Danielle
(Assignment) My research paper
deals with anti-smoking organizations and the positive/negative affects
that they have on teens. Here are the two beginning paragraphs. Thank
you.
(Title) Anti-Smoking Oraganizations
(Assigned Length) 1500 wds.
(Question) I need help with
the basic organization of the paper, in particular, how should I reword
this sentence: "In a self-obtained survey, I found that out of the two
hundred persons asked..." - I know that I shouldn't use "I" in the paper,
but I've run out of ideas on how to get the point across without the use
of 'I'. Also, how do I cite a survery that I took?
(Writing Issue) Essay Organization
(Document)
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Are you aware that anti-tobacco
organizations spend millions of dollars each year promoting their anti-tobacco
message to millions of teens across the United States? Obviously, their
main goal is to prevent as many teens as possible from starting to use
a tobacco product. Are their campaigns successful, or are they wasting
money that could be spent elsewhere? One could question fifty teens
during the course of one day, and conclude that forty-five out of those
fifty people know what message anti-smoking/drug organizations like TRUTH,
D.A.R.E., or S.W.A.T. stand for. Despite the attempts of these militant
anti-smoking organizations, teen smoking rates have not declined in over
ten years. (stat.org)
In a self-obtained survey,
I found that out of the two hundred persons asked, only twelve (6%) said
that they didn't smoke because of an anti-smoking organization. This
is a relatively low number, considering that one hundred and twenty five
(63%) of the two hundred people asked said that they didn't smoke for their
own reasons. Surprisingly, tobacco products are responsible for more
deaths each year than AIDS, alcohol, drug abuse, suicides, car accidents,
and fires combined. Even so, three thousand teens start smoking each
day. Of those three thousand, one thousand will eventually die due
to a smoking related illness. However, this staggering number provides
no significant impact towards teens that are thinking about using tobacco
products. (cdc.gov)
Today, over four million
teens smoke despite the risks that tobacco products pose. Forty-four
(22%) out of the two hundred people asked said that they smoked even though
they are aware of the risks that are associated with tobacco use.
Furthermore, thirteen people (6%) said that they smoke and don't care about
the health consequences. This is not suprising, considering that
the percentage of teens that smoke has risen from twenty seven and a half
percent in 1991, to over thirty four precent in 1999. (cdc.gov)
The teen smoking statistics
lead some to believe that anti-tobacco/drug organizations actually have
a negative affect on teen perspectives. Out of the two hundred teens
questioned, six teens (3%) said that anti-smoking/drug organizations actually
fueled their curiosity to experiment with tobacco and other drugs.
Furthermore, the teens also said that programs like TRUTH and D.A.R.E.
were "annoying", and "ridiculous". When questioned on why these advertisements
were "ridiculous", many of the teens responded by stating:"Teens will smoke
if they want to no organizations will stop them". (anti-smoking
affects survey)
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--Hi Danielle:
When you are referring to an original survey that you administered, you are not prohibited from using the first person. Still, you can avoid it by making the survey the subject of the sentence:
The Teen Smoking Survey shows that out of 200 students. . . .Notice that I named the survey. You should do that in your essay. Also include an explanation of the survey (i.e.: For this report, I conducted an original survey of 200 students in order to obtain information on . . . ). The phrase "self-obtained survey" is confusing.
Good luck.
Creed Greer, Ph.D.
Associate Program Director
Center for Written and Oral Communication
